You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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