She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
