***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
