all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
