I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
