god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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