Dude my mom stole all your condoms
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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