this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
