i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
