Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
