drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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