The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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