her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
sex in a hospital.. check
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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