Don't you send me to vm
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
