I got chris browned last night
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
