i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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