he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
