Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
