We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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