Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
