I wish I could teleport
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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