How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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