Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there's paper in my vomit.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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