I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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