you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
