what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
