Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
