I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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