I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
