my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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