I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
