You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
