I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
