i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
