ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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