Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can you bring me the toilet please
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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