I only kidnapped one of them. chill
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
