ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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