I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
