what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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