I want to have your abortion
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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