First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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