Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
