just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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