Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
