ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
