tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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