How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
