I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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