woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize