Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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