i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
