there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
