erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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