I could make wine with my vomit
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
