I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
