this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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