mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
