Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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