I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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