I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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