I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
