I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
