I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
As shirtless as possible
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
