Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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