How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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