I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
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He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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