her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We're too hungover to prance.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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