I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
